The Misadventures of a Full-Time Perfectionist

If there was ever a book written about my life, the title of this entry should be the title of said book. I'm many things, of course, but being a perfectionist seems to be a central theme for me. Interestingly enough, I've learned that perfectionism is trait shared by many of us dealing with an anxiety disorder! Perfectionism, while it sounds relatively harmless, is actually a parasite; it will drain you of every bit of peace you have.

From my own observations, I've noticed two kinds of perfectionists: the ones who do it over and over again until it meets with their standards, and the ones who never start at all because they know it won't meet their standards. Both end up miserable, no matter which kind of perfectionist they are. Personally, I'm the latter. I don't start things because I know that the end result will not be in line with my ideal, and the disappointment leads to a "why even bother" attitude. It's a vicious circle, and it can leave the perfectionist feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Are you recognizing yourself as one of the perfectionists I've described?

As I'm getting older, I'm learning to recognize the value in completing something, with or without it being perfect. I'm not saying it's always easy! It's most certainly difficult for me to leave a task or project without having it exactly the way my perfectionist tendencies would prefer! But for several reasons, I'm really tackling my issues with this. A) I'll be a mom one day soon, and I don't want to pass this on to my child. I also think it's important to teach little ones about the value of finishing what you start, regardless of how you feel about it. B) I have things to do, and an obligation to do them. When I commit to something, I need to follow through. I take this from the value based living found in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The value I hold dearly is to be a woman of integrity, and I live my life in ways that will support and affirm that value. Which means...of course...that my perfectionism must take a backseat. It doesn't matter who I made the commitment to, either. I consider a commitment to myself as serious and as important as a commitment to someone else.

Putting this into action, I simply identify when I'm being a perfectionist. If I'm doing something (or not bothering to do something), then I think about what the perfectionist in me would be prefer to see. When I have that image, I bring it down a few notches to a reasonable, doable level. Once I've achieved that level, I don't allow myself to continue nit-picking and fault-finding my work. What's done is done, and it's good enough. (And believe me, I have to actually tell myself that as I walk away! It's not easy, but it can be done.)

So talk to me. Are you a perfectionist? Which kind? Are you willing to walk away from something when it's "good enough" today?