It's better come the morning...

I don't know why this is, but I have noticed that my anxiety decreases significantly once the sun begins to rise. When I wake up in the middle of the night or in the very early morning, I'm much more likely to feel anxious and give in to what-if thinking. I thought that perhaps it was because I'd just woken up, but that isn't true. If I wake up when it's light out, I'm fine.

So what it is about the night that triggers anxiety? I've always had a fear of the dark, but could that be playing in so significantly? The more I thought about it, the more questions I had.

I think what it comes down to is that the world is usually asleep at night. Kind of par for the course, eh? Of course people sleep at night. But for me, that means no one is awake to "save" me if I panic. What happens if I panic and pass out? Who will hear me? Who will help me?

Those darn "what-ifs" again. I've started asking myself the biggest and most important question of all: "When was the last time you passed out?" Oh. I've never, ever passed out. And what's more, I have never, ever heard of anyone passing out from panic. Not.even.once.

Yep, it's kind of hard to ignore the facts when you make yourself face them. Anxiety is such a liar! But I think what makes me maddest of all is that it's also a thief; it will steal every ounce of peace and joy you have if you let it. I can't say I adore early mornings when the world still slumbers and I am left alone with only my thoughts and my fears. I'm not sure I ever will be! But I know this much...I can do it. I can be at peace. I can live my life.

And that's really what it's all about, isn't it? Living your life regardless of how you feel about something. So the next time I'm up early, maybe I'll pop on and post. Maybe I'll turn the radio on low and dance around the living room. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll make myself a hot cup of coffee and wait for the sun to rise, enjoying the beauty that can only be found when it's dark and quiet.