Shapeshifting

Have you ever heard of shapeshifting? According to Merriam-Webster, it means "a change of physical form brought about by, or as if by, supernatural means." Now personally, I don't get into the "supernatural" kind of stuff. I'm not a sci-fi kind of girl by any means...but shapeshifting certainly does have its place in my life. If you're dealing with anxiety, then it probably has a place in yours, too.

Next year will make a decade since my first panic attack, and I have watched my anxiety shift and take many different forms over the years. If I've learned anything, it's that anxiety rarely stays the same. It moves...it's fluid, and it has an eery ability to morph into different things at different times. Have you ever noticed that you "beat" one symptom, only to have another take its place? That's why I liken it to shapeshifting. For years, I was perplexed by the seemingly random onset of new symptoms after having conquered a previous one, and frustrated doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind at those times. What was I doing wrong? Why were new symptoms appearing? Was I destined to always live like that...constantly at the mercy of a never-ending stream of terrifying feelings? The thought was depressing; why bother working on something if it would just be replaced by something new?

Time, experience, and research gave me the answers that I wasn't sure I would ever have. To question why I have anxiety isn't the same as questioning how my anxiety works. I no longer ask why I have it or how long it will stay. I only concentrate on what it is, and how I can confront it. Here's what is happening when I conquer a symptoms only to have a new one take its place: I'm dealing with each symptom as it comes instead of dealing with the overall problem. Simple as that.

Think of this way: Your anxiety is the Godfather of the Mob. You keep taking out his hit men, but more keep coming. They're going to, of course, because the Godfather keeps ordering hits and finds new hit men to carry out his work. As long as you concentrate on the hit men as they come, you'll never be doing anything but spinning your wheels and living day to day. Sooner or later, you're going to have to start going after the Godfather himself; taking him down is the only way to stop the hit men from seeking you out.

Your symptoms are the hit men, of course. Your anxiety is sending the symptoms, and keeps changing them every time you master one. Oh, you mastered driving? Suddenly you can't go to the grocery store. So random, right? Not really...it's just your anxiety shapeshifting again. And no, you don't have to live like this forever. You just have to master the master...you have to take on anxiety and wrestle it to ground. So how do you do that? You stop fighting the symptoms. You stop trying to master them. You stop fearing them. YOU STOP OBEYING THEM. When you do that, you're sending a signal to your anxiety that it can send any symptom it wants...but you refuse to stop living your life when they come.

This isn't an "overnight" kind of thing, either, and I'm in no way implying that it is. It's a journey and a learning process...and I'm still on my own journey of learning how to master the master. The bottom line is that you become passionate enough to fight for your life! Fight for your right to live in peace! And always, always know that YOU have the power, not your anxiety.